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Verdict is out.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Verdict is out. I've lost, once again.
And I seriously got no plans, no what's next.
What should I do?
Should I continue to go after my dreams?
Or should I let go and do with whatever I have?
It seems like I've wasted one year of my time for nothing.
In fact, I've wasted more than just one year.
Wasted too much, too much for me to comprehend.
Been thinking these few days.
Should I continue to pursue the course I want?
Or should I take on a course for degree sake?
Maybe I'm just not the cut to study.
Maybe something else would work out better.
A friend asked: What do you really want in life?
What is your dream?
And out of a sudden, there was nothing going on on my mind.
There used to be a dream. An aim.
But is it really what I want?
Or is it just what others want me to be?
So lost and confused.
No directions, aimless.
I see everyone moving on.
But there seems to be no where I want to be.
I can't go overseas now, it's just too much of a financial burden to my family.
I can't just go to work either, with just a useless A-Lvl cert.
I've got nothing.
I always wonder to myself, what have I done to be what I am today?
I got no idea.
I don't even know why I'm doing what I've been doing for all the years I've lived.
I'm like a lifeless puppet living my life how others want it to be.
Every night I tell myself:
Go and have a good sleep, tomorrow will be better.
And the next day I know I lied to myself.
Tomorrow was never better. Not even once.
It just got worse day after day.
And it just felt worse second after second.
The only time I can laugh and smile and worry about absolutely nothing temporarily,
is when I'm watching running man.
How pathetic can I get?
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